because of michelle's nudge...

i thought i'd post about blessings in my life... but you have to get down in the dumps sometimes to notice the good, right? so yesterday, i was on the far north side of okc and i drove by my and justin's old apartment. i started to feel so disappointed and annoyed that things in my life were absolutely not going as i had planned. i did not plan to be married as early as i was. i did not plan to stink at finances. i did not plan to STILL be living in okc. i did not plan to be living in the same home as my mom at 26 WHILE MARRIED. THIS IS NOT MY PLAN!!!!

i was so frustrated that i kept choking back tears as i drove back to the place i called home with my mother and my sickly whiny husband.. (i love him but jeez guys are whiny when they're sick!!) :)

i kept thinking that it wasn't fair, that i couldn't handle all the disappointment that i was conjuring. i just kept thinking about all the bad things that were going on and that had happened. i got worse and worse and worse and finally i couldn't hold the tears back any longer. which is pretty unsafe when you're driving...

and i hate to cry. crying is stupid and it makes your eyes puffy and was ruining my perfect eye makeup job!! so i had to stop. i couldn't. i HAD to. then the Lord brought these verses to my mind: "Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. Fear ye not therefor, ye are of more value than many sparrows." (matt 10:29,31)



then i was ashamed. i had SO MANY good things in my life. so what if they weren't what i had planned on having...the Lord knows way better than i do what i need. seriously, he knows what i want too....way before i know what i want.

here are a few reasons i should be happy and trust the Lord so much more:

1. i have a husband that loves me even if i cry about really stupid things....or if i cry for no reason at all
2. i have a job that pays me the monies i use to settle my debts. there are a lot, but i get them covered.
3. i have clothes that fit, and the ones that don't, well, see number 4.
4. i have food to eat. i am not going hungry. you CANNOT see my ribs. even if i tell you you can.
5. i have a wonderful mother who, even when she drives me crazy, is happy to have me at home helping around the house. this is a mutually beneficial relationship.
6. i have friends. WONDERFUL FRIENDS! i have so many Godly friends who don't give up on me and are always there for me in word or in deed.
7. i have a Savior who is full of endless love and forgiveness. it doesn't matter how many times i "forget" about all He's done for me. He still brings all those things back to my mind as if to say "I love you beth, you are dearer to me than you can imagine. I will take care of you, feed you and clothe you. I will be your JOY."

boy, sometimes you really need to write out things like that...He's so good to me even though i'm worthless and constantly throw His blessings back in His face. thank goodness i have Salvation that is independent of me!