These last couple of months are nearly a blur. so many things have gone on that i know i won't be able to recount everything.

my first semester back in school came and went. it was tough. really tough. i cursed peter's name several times for telling me to take chemistry and physics in the same semester. even though i only had two classes, it was like having four, as both classes have extensive labs. i made out with B's in both. this semester i'm taking physics 2 and psych. i've managed to never have to take psychology till now. oh well. at least i'll be able to make an A in physics. i hope.

justin had to have back surgery. we had exausted all possibilities as far as treatments go and the doctor told us surgery was our only alternative. so because we'd already met so much of our out-of-pocket expense with the insurance we chose to have surgery in december. it was scheduled for the 23rd. let me now expound upon the worst christmas-time in history.

jill came into town. not knowing how justin's surgery would dictate our time together, we hung out for about two evenings and went to have our pictures taken with santa for the twelveth year in a row.

the morning of the 23rd, justin and i went to check in for his surgery at the oklahoma spine hospital. after about an hour of waiting, we were taken back to the prep room where he recieved his gown and iv. my mom showed up, then his. he was taken back for surgery around one o'clock. i went to the surgery waiting room with our moms and visited and waited. after about an hour and a half, the nurse called to let me know they were done with the front and were about to start on the back. he would end up with a large incision on his stomach and two medium sized incisions on either side of his spine on the back.

my mom left after a while and justin's grandma arrived. about two and a half hours later the nurse called and he was finished, i would be able to see him soon.

he was wheeled out his way to his room and stopped long enough for us to be able to see him. he was in an excruciating amount of pain, i'm so glad he doesn't remember this part. his mom and grandma left at this point as it was beginning to get dark.

in his room, he was very uncomfortable. unable to sleep on his back or stomach, but having to be propped up by pillows to sleep on his side, every move was painful. because of the incision on the front of his stomach the doctor did not want to give him morphine.

the nurses told me to remind them about his medications every three hours. apparently i was staying. about three in the morning he was comfortable and sleeping and i was uncomfortable so i went home.

i knew check out time was noon if he were to be released so i was up and around by nine. justin had called earlier to tell me the weather was horrible so not to come. yeah right. so i got ready and headed up there understanding it was very likely i'd be staying the night too. When i got there, i was told that the doctor had released him. it was christmas eve, and it was snowing heavily. so heavily i couldn't get into the circle drive where patients are picked up.

after about two hours he had eaten and we had been given extensive amounts of things to take home. bandages, a walker, a breather, an ice water machine and instructions. i had tried to move the car several time in that span and nothing. i was still stuck at the front of the hospital. luckily the hospital is small so he only had to walk a relatively short distance, just not as short as he would have had to walk otherwise. as you can imagine, it was difficult enough even the short distance. the snow was falling at an incredible rate and the wind was fast and icy. we loaded up and started on what should have been a twenty minute trip.

after driving less than 20 mph on the highway, we got off on 63rd as we needed to get his pain medication filled at a cvs. stopped at the light, we got stuck. as luck would have it, there was already a team of firefighters working on another car there. they pushed me a few feet and we were back on our way to the cvs. up until now, things were just seen as setbacks to me, i wasn't terribly concerned. i had my mind on simply getting justin home and settled. i knew with the weather that it would be insane to try to take him home first, so we pulled into the cvs and i parked in the spot with the least amount of snow. i was inside for probably 30 minutes while he waited in the car. here's where it starts to get really crazy.

after some trouble with the insurance and pharmacy i walked outside with half of my bags and a snow shovel. the snow drifts were to the top of my wheels if not higher in some places. the snow and wind were even worse than before. i ran back inside to get the rest of my things. after loading them up, i began the task of shoveling my way out of the spot i was in. i was completely stuck. couldn't go forward or backward. justin must've looked like a jerk since he wasn't helping me. no one else would help either. no one.

for thirty minutes i battled. my hair was wet and then frozen into ropes. i couldn't feel my hands or feet. justin was understandably cranky. i had gone into the store to get something to melt the snow and give me traction. it didn't help. FINALLY, the store manager came out and helped me. after twenty more minutes or so, we were back to being on our way. somewhere in there i had hit justin in the head with the handle of the shovel. he was even crankier now, in pain from sitting in a car seat and not getting any more pain medicine.

i couldn't get to our garage or even up the driveway. i had to park in front of the house. justin had to walk all the way up the deeply snow covered drive with his walker. i helped him up laden with bags. i got him inside and dumped all the bags where i could and went down the drive for more. the snow was so deep it was like trying to run through water. i had to make five trips back and forth to get all of our things.

on my last trip i noticed that our neighbor was stuck so i went and tried to help them. how silly of me in hindsight, i needed to be inside getting justin settled. i was half way out of my head trying to get everything done. all i knew was what a horrible feeling it was to be stuck and not have anyone to help. so i helped them, and got no thanks or anything. just a "you can quit pushing now." so infuriating.

i managed to get back up the driveway, shut the garage door and begin to get things situated. oops, my phone was still in the car. here i go again. got it. back inside, ready to collapse.

i took some bags into the kitchen. nearly had a heart attack. justin had gone out onto the back patio. he came back in and almost fell. he pulled down half of my vertical blinds and tracked mud EVERYWHERE. i was nearly beside myself.

i put up all the things i had bought at cvs (i had not gone grocery shopping and while at cvs i realized that i would not be able to) and then i had to get justin's ice machine set up. its sorta like a heating pad only with a cooler that pumps ice water to two pads to reduce swelling on his surgery sites.

after getting that situated and getting him blankets and medicine and anything else he needed, i went to the bedroom to take off my soaking clothes and to get warm. at that point i just broke down and bawled for twenty minutes.

once i had regained what little composer i had left, i went back out into the house and commenced the complete cleaning of everything. i also spent quite a bit of time on the phone (which everyone knows how much i love) updating the families on justin. that was my christmas eve.

christmas day was the same. more cleaning. justin was more awake than he had been the day before, which meant more work for me, but it wasn't bad. the family got together, but after the day before i refused to get out. which was a good thing, considering i got stuck three more times in three days after this all happened.

so there's my sob story. now the good part.

since his surgery, his nerve pain is completely gone. he no longer kicks me at night and no longer jerks with pain in his sleep. his back still hurts but nothing like it did before. the surgeon said that his disc was so badly degenerated that he could see through it.

his pain is so much less that even his old personality is back. he's no longer cranky 97% of the time. last night was a bad night. he was hurting and didn't feel like doing anything. out of a week that's about the only time its happened. i'm so thankful.

john was home this past week and justin even felt like hanging out at my mom's till all hours of the night playing games and hanging out. he even played some games with us.

yesterday was his first day back to work and besides feeling a little sick at lunchtime, he did well. apparently today has gone well too.

so after saying all of that, i come to my point.

God is good. He allows us to go through troubles because it makes us stronger. i didn't know i could do all that on my own. i remember thinking several times about how i really wished my dad could be around to help me. but he's not. The Lord has shown me that all i need is Him. he is the one who provides for me and mine. He is always there for me, especially when i feel most alone.

thank you everyone who keeps me in your prayers. i appreciate it more than you'll ever know. thank you for your posts on here. i'm so surrounded by a god-less world everyday, its a relief to look over your blogs and see how He's working in everyone else's life.


prayer request

its been a long time since i've posted.... and this won't be a long one. i just needed to ask all my wonderful friends for some prayer...

nothing serious, just remember me when talking with our Heavenly Father.

I have been in school less than one semester and am already questioning my motivation and goals. are they really what i want or am i letting my pride lead me?

please pray that the Lord will lead me in the way i should go, that He would open and close doors accordingly.

sigh. and now back to my studies...


for a good time...

okay, maybe not a good time, but more like a good laugh, visit this website, read the will not be disappointed. justin found this on digg and shared with me.  now i share with you. i'm a giver...  hehe

Hilarity <-----------


i've found the most wonderful website!  some of you may already know about it, sometimes i'm a little slow finding things!  justin and i are so busy most of the time we can't keep track of what's old and what's not. we're horrible about cleaning out the fridge till i'm gagging as the door closes.  course then its a full on over haul. 

and speaking of being busy, i've got another class starting monday.  i've got two for sure students and a possible third. (i've also got my dog thinking she's being sneaky in my lap right now...she thinks i dont' notice that she's inching toward my dinner)

i'm hopeful about these two students. being a vocational school of sorts, we get people with more baggage than an airport.  my last two students were a promising twenty year old with less than desireable transportation and no phone and a forty nine year old who was way over medicated, an insomniac and defined herself by her emotional troubles.   the older of the two has nearly finished her externship and should be looking for a job at this point. the younger, well, no one's heard from her after her first week and a half of externship. i fear there's no transportation, and that's horrible because she's such a smart, ambitious gal.  no one gets their certificate if they don't complete all their hours.  i like the teaching part, i'm not so fond of the social worker side of what i've been doing.  

anyway, the new two students, i've only met once, but i'm hopful.  one is a thirty-ish male, and the other is a fifty-ish female.  they seem like they've got it together, they just need something new.  maybe i'll have less social work to do this time...i can only hope.  

i've also decided that i'm going back to school.  i'm not sure exactly what my major will be, but i do plan on going to medical school.  its a long hard road, but i've been in the work force long enough that i don't want to be forty and work as a technician. so now, as opposed to when i was 18, i've got much more drive and a goal.  

after talking to my brother, things became much more resolved in my head.  he's in dental school, so i feel like i'll definitely have someone to help me on some of the tougher subjects, and someone to vent to when i'm taking 25 hours and going crazy. 

i'm excited though. i'm excited to finally know what i want to do, or at least the direction to head. 
i still have to decide what school to go to, and figure out financial aid.  that's going to be lovely. 

AND before i get started this fall, i'd really like to buy a house.  i'd like to take advantage of the stimulus fund...8,000 that i don't have to pay back?!  i'd be crazy not to do it. so i figure i need to do that before i take out all sorts of crazy student loans.   the really scary thing is leaving my job.  i'd like to say i could teach my class from eight till one and then go to school the rest of the day, but i don't know how realistic that is.  i guess we'll see.  at least i won't be working at the dr's office anymore once i start...and i'll miss it.  oh well, on to bigger and better things i suppose.  

i'll definitely need prayer, as i absolutely can't do this with out the Lord's help.  i'm a little a.d.d. sometimes and i know i'll get discouraged from time to time.  but with the support of all my friends and family i know i can accomplish something with my life.  


funny ha ha



man kids have the coolest toys to choose from now!! i want nearly all of them!  

(its sad.)  i'm 27. i watch lots and lots of cartoons.  i love them!  and during the commercials, i see all the cool new toys!  like zubber....okay, i would have had a heart attack to get something like that way back when.  i'd love to get it now.  and those stickers that you put foil on?  how cool is that?  if i had kids, they'd probably be mad cause i'd want to play with all their stuff and i'd use it all up!  

on an unrelated note, i just finished reading a book for the first time in i don't know how long.  i've attempted to read many books in the last year or so, and i've never been able to finish them.  none of them have been interesting enough to just sit down and finish.  (actually, i just now remember that i did read an entire book several months ago.  but i won't count that one.)

this one is a recent classic of 1959.  it is shirley jackson's the haunting of hill house.  if you saw the movie "house on haunted hill"  its not even close to the book, besides the characters traits and an occasional line from the house keeper. the movie was a bust in my opinion.  but the book is worth a read.  

on a note more related to the beginning of this post, spongebob is on, so i'll take my leave. 



why is it that mostly men are prayed for during prayer meeting?  is it because men are better than women? is it because they have worse problems than women?  no.

i think it is because men are praying.  now, i'm not about to tell you i think women should get up and pray. absolutely not.  i just think that the men should think more about for whom to lift up to our Lord.  women are such the backbone to the body. women are the ones constantly lifting their husbands up, praying for the church. 

tonight, paul anderson and bob watts were prayed for.  paul anderson for safety on the road, and bob watts for healing.   amen to those things. but how about prayer for the safety and wellbeing of mary anderson while she's home alone? how about comfort and strength for janice watts during the trying time of having a sickly spouse?  

perhaps i'm a little sensitive because of my own situation. 

but i'm not being sexist. i'm not thinking in terms of conventional "equality" issues.  and i'm not above thinking that it is simply an issue i have with my own home assembly. 

growing up, all prayers were generally for my dad, his health, his strength.  i don't remember my mom ever being prayed for until near the end.  how is it that she, going through such an enormous struggle, was not lifted up until that point?  why was that not caught earlier?  i remember being puzzled about it then.  i also remember being puzzled about the fact that everyone always asked my mom how my dad was doing, but never how she was doing.  

i was puzzed about those things.  still am.  i'm more empathetic to whatever my mom must've felt now, being a spouse myself of a person not completely well.  and it didn't dawn on me till tonight that it was happening to me now.  

i understand concern and polite conversation.  but let's face it, if something is happening to our spouse, it might as well be happening to us.  we're one flesh, that's how it goes.   we need the support of our spiritual family just as much as from our physical family and our friends.  

i'm not even sure i can wrap this up logically.  my whole point is that we should all think beyond what conventional concern is. we should concern ourselves with spouses, children, parents, all those peripherally involved in a situation. perhaps we are missing someone the Lord is pointing to without pointing to them directly.