this is calista's fault.....

please address all complaints to her blog.



Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.

Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.

Let them know they are tagged by leaving comments on their blogs.

1. i cannot sleep in pants. the legs wrap around and around and around and drive me insane. feel sorry for anyone i ever spent the night with while growing up.



2. i am horrified of crickets. they jump AT you, not away from you. they can fly.


3. i love to eat animal crackers with mustard.



4. when i was little my family went camping somewhere in utah. the campground had toilets with blue water and i had to stand on the lever to flush them. i loved both facts. i said many times that i needed to go to the bathroom when i didn't actually need to go. i just wanted to flush the cool toilets. my dad caught on and called me "beth blue water" for the rest of the trip. and then randomly after that for years.


5. when i shift into neutral, i have to toggle the gear shifter past reverse several times before i'm satisfied that i'm actually out of any gear.


6. i love cartoons above all other shows. spongebob is my favorite, but i love a good animae such as inuyasha or full metal alchemist. the japanese have a very specific formula to their story lines and the predictability is actually pretty funny.


7. i'm not very girlie, but if you came to my house and saw the decor, you'd think i was. this is mildly disappointing, but, i like what i like, i have to deal with it. so does my husband.


so there you have it, seven weird, random facts about moi. it took me two days to come up with these. its not that i have a lack of weird fact, oh no, its just that most would either offend someone or scare them. these were pretty friendly, i feel.

i'm going to tag some that calista tagged, but eh, they haven't done it yet!

1. april
2. michelle
3. rachel
4. ruth
5. amy
6. christina
7. brooke

sad sack update...

not feeling quite so down today. a welcome break in my melancholy streak.
seems as if the situation just couldn't get worse... (although i know it always could)

as soon as the end up april came around, we were on the phone with the dr's office in hopes of scheduling the long awaited mri. all of our insurance info was given. then i got a call from the dr's office saying that we've got a preexisting condition on our plan. being new to this whole grown up insurance world, i was not sure what to do. i called the insurance company and was told exactly what i was afraid of. they would not pay for the mri if justin had been seen in the last six months for something related. this made...makes me angry.

i called the dr's office and found out that there is a place called Servant Imaging in Norman. they do imaging services for poor people like us with stupid insurance companies. we set up the appointment for monday. it costs $600. the worst thing about paying the $600 is that it doesn't even get applied to our deductible...AND had we known this was going to be the case, we wouldn't have waited this long to do it!

so he went in for the mri. the dr called justin on her way home from work that same day to let us know the results. a slight bulging disc and some arthritic changes at the base of the spine. according to her, nothing to explain the amount of pain he's describing. she wants to send him to a neurologist. i don't know what for, but i guess it doesn't matter, because unless the government decides to send out another stimulus check, he won't be going for a long while. the preexisting on his ins is until 2009!

so he got another rx for some pain meds, but who really wants that. again. not i said the wolf.


so on a better note, i have to thank you all soooooo much for your encouragement and prayers. you have no idea how much it has helped. i don't feel so incredibly alone, its nice to know that people care so much. i've learned two verses thanks to you guys. II cor 3:5 and 4:17. they're posted on my mirror in the bathroom so that i look over them every morning and evening as i'm getting ready for whatever is before me.

its incredible to think that even though we're deserving of death and hell, we're actually rewarded for suffering "light affliction." He is so good to us.

i'm sorry for the alarming amount of sad sack that has come out of me recently. or not come out...i know i should be answering phone calls, but i haven't been able to bring myself to bum anyone out on the phone yet. sorry christina...i'll make it up to you in a couple of days...promise. and calista, i've got an email headed your way soon.

its been a while...

its been a while for a reason. i keep not posting because i have nothing happy or exciting to say. but that's not realistic. life is not all fun and games.

justin has a back injury and is consumed with his pain. it is never ending and continually reaches new levels in that it now affects his left leg and causes him so much pain that he often limps. he (halfway) jokes about getting a cane.

this "injury" of sorts has completely invaded our lives. it has changed everything. he no longer thinks about finishing my mom's bathroom, taking the dogs out for walks, hanging out with me. all he thinks about is when is the next dr's appointment, our insurance wont' kick in till may first, this medicine does no good, etc.

its insane. surely this sort of thing really isn't happening to me, right? even my parents were married for several years before daddy was diagnosed with his disease. and yet here we are.

i am miserable. i continually wallow in my misery. i put off housework. i don't cook regular meals. i cry a lot. i thought that when my dad passed away, i was done with the struggle of living with a person who was in so much pain everyday that it changed him.

its almost funny to think back to conversations with my brother, peter, about how we were scared that God was preparing us for something even worse in the future. how we thought that for sure it couldn't be, but we both had the feeling. but now that this scenario is actually being played out, it is anything but funny. it is miserable.

i feel like i'm not married- that i have a permanent roommate. i rarely spend time with him that is not owned by his affliction. i even get mad at him sometimes for it. and that's just not fair.

i have been so busy feeling sorry for myself, i have neglected to look to the Lord for help. He's been here all along, just waiting for me to ask. how dumb of me. i'm so glad that His love is independent of me.

so that is why i haven't been on here in a while. i apologize for the depressing read, but i really ask that everyone pray for us. we need it so much right now.

i'm baaaaaaack!

we finally got the internet! i'm so excited to be back online and keep up with everyone!

so here's what's been happening with me...are you on the edge of your seat?

we moved and so did the piano. successfully. and i took josh's advice and justin moved the piano all by himself. haha okay, no, i limit the drugging of my husband to sickness only...

we had the help of melissa schiete, ryan sullivan and another couple from the chapel and justin's parents. melissa actually helped me clean and set up the kitchen the night before. she also stayed at my mom's and cleaned (A LOT!!) after we moved our things out. she was such a huge help!

we're still in the process of setting things up. i had the flu last weekened and now justin's fighting it. lucky for him, the dr called in an rx for "tamiflu" and its helping him out tremendously. i only wish i had done that! the body aches of this strain were insane. ooh i'm a poet and i didn't realize it!

its so exciting to be back out on our own. i have missed it so much, and even though justin's been sick today, we've had the day off together and worked together without fighting at all.

so that's it. aren't you tired of sitting on the edge of your seat? i cant' imagine its comfortable. seriously, sit back. i am.

as a side note, i'd like to say how much i enjoy imogene heap's album "speak for yourself." i've had it for nearly two years and i never get tired of it. others may as it seems to be the only music i play in my car, but they can get over it.

the end.

i need some advice...

so we're moving on saturday. and besides being worried about not having nearly enough packed yet, the water and electric, the fence not being fixed and not having much man power for the move, i have to figure out a way to move my piano!

its an OLD upright...its sooooo heavy. and while i know its moved several several times with my family, this will be the first time i've had to think about it. so any advice i can have regarding this difficult item's move would be much appreciated, along with prayers for everything else to run smoothly....thanks in advance!

great is His faithfulness...

upon finding out that we needed to find a new place to live, justin immediately set out applying for jobs. he'd been delivering pizzas on weekends and going to school very full time. unfortunately, with our money situation about to get much worse, he had to make the difficult transition into full time work AND school. he applied for about nine positions in one evening after completing his resume.

his first interview was scheduled for the following monday and then two more were scheduled for the next week. the first interview went extremely well. it was a real job with real benefits and salary. grownup stuff. scary. and as scary as it seemed, he wanted it anyway.

everything was discussed in the interview except for pay. the interviewer (head of the applications development team) simply told justin that he and his wife needed to discuss it, pray about it, whatever we needed to do to figure out how much money we needed.

that gave me a good feeling. that he would even mention praying about it sounded promising. and we did pray. all we needed was enough to get by. pay bills, get out of the hole, owe no man anything.

as part of the interview process, justin was given a project to complete and turn in as evidence of his experience in the programming languages being used. he completed it and turned it in the night before his second interview.

the second interview was with a placement agency strictly for programmers. the interviewer said that currently there were no positions available but if justin had no luck with the first job choice, he'd keep justin in queue for something.

just as justin got home, he received an email from jamie at the first place requesting a second interview.

i'd been praying that the Lord would simply let His will be done. I had no idea what would be good in this situation, only He did. justin called me and told me about the next interview and that he was going in straightaway. i starting praying and praying and praying. i wanted him to get this job. but i only wanted it if it was the Lords will...

he got the job!!!!! i'm soooooooooo excited. God is so good to us. this is above and beyond what we could have hoped for. all i asked the Lord for was what i needed. He is so good to provide things that are extra. i couldn't help but sing the song "great is thy faithfulness" in my head all evening after i got the call. I am continually amazed at the nature of my Heavenly Father. i know i shouldn't be, but its difficult considering my nature. even as i was trusting him in the job situation i was simultaneously worrying about the money for groceries once our rent went up.

i am such a silly one to worry about these things. i am worth more than sparrows to Him. they have everything they need. shouldn't i know i have much more than i need and i don't have to worry? its against Him in every way to worry as it is doubting his sovereignty. but such is my human nature. He is gracious, however, in teaching me slowly (as i am slow to learn) that He will provide. and that He has.

and while i know that i'm just trading some old problems in for new ones, my new prayer is one of thankfulness. also for wisdom and stewardship of what He's given me. i would hate to throw what He's given me in His face by going crazy.

last night in the car on the way home from buying shirts and slacks and work necessities i told justin i was scared for him. he asked me why.... "now you're going to have to pretend to be grown up."

random thoughts

so last night justin and i sat down to watch a movie together. this hardly ever happens anymore with his hectic school/homework/work schedule. he had borrowed the new version of halloween from his friend.

now, i LOVE scary movies. i'm a big fan of the original halloween. i thought that this would be a great twist. but holy cow, was this not something i needed to sit through. there was so much language i found myself not being able to focus on the movie but only on how horrible it was. apparently i was saying so too, because justin asked me, very annoyed, if i wanted to just turn it off. it was so, well, raunchy. man i sound like my mom. i told him no. i didn't want to miss out on this chance to cuddle on the couch with my husband.

but really, the best thing would have been to turn it off. i gained nothing from it. it did no justice to the original. it didn't even make me jump. and i should have known it was going to be as crude as it was because rob zombie directed it. the main reason i should have turned it off is because i could have been an example and i wasn't. i was selfish. i wanted to cuddle. i also didn't want to annoy justin by turning it off.

hopefully i won't be in that position again. we tend to be very lax on what we watch simply because we don't have any children in the house. but that's not really a great excuse. my dad used to talk about how you always remember the bad things you see on tv, and how they come back into your mind when you least want them to. of course i thought he was being a controlling mean dad, but he was right. that's the whole reason i'm writing this out. i was sitting reading someone's blog and suddenly a scene from that wretched movie popped into my head. there was no catalyst, it just happened. the devil knows what he's doing. why let me concentrate on Bible verses when i could be distracted by filth.

i tend to watch a lot of cartoons simply for this reason. they're not dirty or depressing and they rarely, if ever, have a storyline that is necessary to follow along with. also a lot of cooking shows are good, and nature shows. i really just need to cut down on tv altogether.

so this is a bunch of rambling...sorry. just sorta talking to myself about what an idiot i can be. i'm gonna go turn on some cartoons.