the almighty betherson speaks

2010-01-12T14:35:00.002-06:00

These last couple of months are nearly a blur. so many things have gone on that i know i won't be able to recount everything.

my first semester back in school came and went. it was tough. really tough. i cursed peter's name several times for telling me to take chemistry and physics in the same semester. even though i only had two classes, it was like having four, as both classes have extensive labs. i made out with B's in both. this semester i'm taking physics 2 and psych. i've managed to never have to take psychology till now. oh well. at least i'll be able to make an A in physics. i hope.

justin had to have back surgery. we had exausted all possibilities as far as treatments go and the doctor told us surgery was our only alternative. so because we'd already met so much of our out-of-pocket expense with the insurance we chose to have surgery in december. it was scheduled for the 23rd. let me now expound upon the worst christmas-time in history.

jill came into town. not knowing how justin's surgery would dictate our time together, we hung out for about two evenings and went to have our pictures taken with santa for the twelveth year in a row.

the morning of the 23rd, justin and i went to check in for his surgery at the oklahoma spine hospital. after about an hour of waiting, we were taken back to the prep room where he recieved his gown and iv. my mom showed up, then his. he was taken back for surgery around one o'clock. i went to the surgery waiting room with our moms and visited and waited. after about an hour and a half, the nurse called to let me know they were done with the front and were about to start on the back. he would end up with a large incision on his stomach and two medium sized incisions on either side of his spine on the back.

my mom left after a while and justin's grandma arrived. about two and a half hours later the nurse called and he was finished, i would be able to see him soon.

he was wheeled out his way to his room and stopped long enough for us to be able to see him. he was in an excruciating amount of pain, i'm so glad he doesn't remember this part. his mom and grandma left at this point as it was beginning to get dark.

in his room, he was very uncomfortable. unable to sleep on his back or stomach, but having to be propped up by pillows to sleep on his side, every move was painful. because of the incision on the front of his stomach the doctor did not want to give him morphine.

the nurses told me to remind them about his medications every three hours. apparently i was staying. about three in the morning he was comfortable and sleeping and i was uncomfortable so i went home.

i knew check out time was noon if he were to be released so i was up and around by nine. justin had called earlier to tell me the weather was horrible so not to come. yeah right. so i got ready and headed up there understanding it was very likely i'd be staying the night too. When i got there, i was told that the doctor had released him. it was christmas eve, and it was snowing heavily. so heavily i couldn't get into the circle drive where patients are picked up.

after about two hours he had eaten and we had been given extensive amounts of things to take home. bandages, a walker, a breather, an ice water machine and instructions. i had tried to move the car several time in that span and nothing. i was still stuck at the front of the hospital. luckily the hospital is small so he only had to walk a relatively short distance, just not as short as he would have had to walk otherwise. as you can imagine, it was difficult enough even the short distance. the snow was falling at an incredible rate and the wind was fast and icy. we loaded up and started on what should have been a twenty minute trip.

after driving less than 20 mph on the highway, we got off on 63rd as we needed to get his pain medication filled at a cvs. stopped at the light, we got stuck. as luck would have it, there was already a team of firefighters working on another car there. they pushed me a few feet and we were back on our way to the cvs. up until now, things were just seen as setbacks to me, i wasn't terribly concerned. i had my mind on simply getting justin home and settled. i knew with the weather that it would be insane to try to take him home first, so we pulled into the cvs and i parked in the spot with the least amount of snow. i was inside for probably 30 minutes while he waited in the car. here's where it starts to get really crazy.

after some trouble with the insurance and pharmacy i walked outside with half of my bags and a snow shovel. the snow drifts were to the top of my wheels if not higher in some places. the snow and wind were even worse than before. i ran back inside to get the rest of my things. after loading them up, i began the task of shoveling my way out of the spot i was in. i was completely stuck. couldn't go forward or backward. justin must've looked like a jerk since he wasn't helping me. no one else would help either. no one.

for thirty minutes i battled. my hair was wet and then frozen into ropes. i couldn't feel my hands or feet. justin was understandably cranky. i had gone into the store to get something to melt the snow and give me traction. it didn't help. FINALLY, the store manager came out and helped me. after twenty more minutes or so, we were back to being on our way. somewhere in there i had hit justin in the head with the handle of the shovel. he was even crankier now, in pain from sitting in a car seat and not getting any more pain medicine.

i couldn't get to our garage or even up the driveway. i had to park in front of the house. justin had to walk all the way up the deeply snow covered drive with his walker. i helped him up laden with bags. i got him inside and dumped all the bags where i could and went down the drive for more. the snow was so deep it was like trying to run through water. i had to make five trips back and forth to get all of our things.

on my last trip i noticed that our neighbor was stuck so i went and tried to help them. how silly of me in hindsight, i needed to be inside getting justin settled. i was half way out of my head trying to get everything done. all i knew was what a horrible feeling it was to be stuck and not have anyone to help. so i helped them, and got no thanks or anything. just a "you can quit pushing now." so infuriating.

i managed to get back up the driveway, shut the garage door and begin to get things situated. oops, my phone was still in the car. here i go again. got it. back inside, ready to collapse.

i took some bags into the kitchen. nearly had a heart attack. justin had gone out onto the back patio. he came back in and almost fell. he pulled down half of my vertical blinds and tracked mud EVERYWHERE. i was nearly beside myself.

i put up all the things i had bought at cvs (i had not gone grocery shopping and while at cvs i realized that i would not be able to) and then i had to get justin's ice machine set up. its sorta like a heating pad only with a cooler that pumps ice water to two pads to reduce swelling on his surgery sites.

after getting that situated and getting him blankets and medicine and anything else he needed, i went to the bedroom to take off my soaking clothes and to get warm. at that point i just broke down and bawled for twenty minutes.

once i had regained what little composer i had left, i went back out into the house and commenced the complete cleaning of everything. i also spent quite a bit of time on the phone (which everyone knows how much i love) updating the families on justin. that was my christmas eve.

christmas day was the same. more cleaning. justin was more awake than he had been the day before, which meant more work for me, but it wasn't bad. the family got together, but after the day before i refused to get out. which was a good thing, considering i got stuck three more times in three days after this all happened.

so there's my sob story. now the good part.

since his surgery, his nerve pain is completely gone. he no longer kicks me at night and no longer jerks with pain in his sleep. his back still hurts but nothing like it did before. the surgeon said that his disc was so badly degenerated that he could see through it.

his pain is so much less that even his old personality is back. he's no longer cranky 97% of the time. last night was a bad night. he was hurting and didn't feel like doing anything. out of a week that's about the only time its happened. i'm so thankful.

john was home this past week and justin even felt like hanging out at my mom's till all hours of the night playing games and hanging out. he even played some games with us.

yesterday was his first day back to work and besides feeling a little sick at lunchtime, he did well. apparently today has gone well too.

so after saying all of that, i come to my point.

God is good. He allows us to go through troubles because it makes us stronger. i didn't know i could do all that on my own. i remember thinking several times about how i really wished my dad could be around to help me. but he's not. The Lord has shown me that all i need is Him. he is the one who provides for me and mine. He is always there for me, especially when i feel most alone.

thank you everyone who keeps me in your prayers. i appreciate it more than you'll ever know. thank you for your posts on here. i'm so surrounded by a god-less world everyday, its a relief to look over your blogs and see how He's working in everyone else's life.

prayer request

2009-11-08T23:16:00.003-06:00

its been a long time since i've posted.... and this won't be a long one. i just needed to ask all my wonderful friends for some prayer...

nothing serious, just remember me when talking with our Heavenly Father.

I have been in school less than one semester and am already questioning my motivation and goals. are they really what i want or am i letting my pride lead me?

please pray that the Lord will lead me in the way i should go, that He would open and close doors accordingly.

sigh. and now back to my studies...

for a good time...

2009-05-19T18:05:00.004-05:00

okay, maybe not a good time, but more like a good laugh, visit this website, read the reviews...you will not be disappointed. justin found this on digg and shared with me. now i share with you. i'm a giver... hehe

Hilarity <-----------

2009-04-03T21:41:00.003-05:00

i've found the most wonderful website! http://www.stilltasty.com some of you may already know about it, sometimes i'm a little slow finding things! justin and i are so busy most of the time we can't keep track of what's old and what's not. we're horrible about cleaning out the fridge till i'm gagging as the door closes. course then its a full on over haul.

and speaking of being busy, i've got another class starting monday. i've got two for sure students and a possible third. (i've also got my dog thinking she's being sneaky in my lap right now...she thinks i dont' notice that she's inching toward my dinner)

i'm hopeful about these two students. being a vocational school of sorts, we get people with more baggage than an airport. my last two students were a promising twenty year old with less than desireable transportation and no phone and a forty nine year old who was way over medicated, an insomniac and defined herself by her emotional troubles. the older of the two has nearly finished her externship and should be looking for a job at this point. the younger, well, no one's heard from her after her first week and a half of externship. i fear there's no transportation, and that's horrible because she's such a smart, ambitious gal. no one gets their certificate if they don't complete all their hours. i like the teaching part, i'm not so fond of the social worker side of what i've been doing.

anyway, the new two students, i've only met once, but i'm hopful. one is a thirty-ish male, and the other is a fifty-ish female. they seem like they've got it together, they just need something new. maybe i'll have less social work to do this time...i can only hope.

i've also decided that i'm going back to school. i'm not sure exactly what my major will be, but i do plan on going to medical school. its a long hard road, but i've been in the work force long enough that i don't want to be forty and work as a technician. so now, as opposed to when i was 18, i've got much more drive and a goal.

after talking to my brother, things became much more resolved in my head. he's in dental school, so i feel like i'll definitely have someone to help me on some of the tougher subjects, and someone to vent to when i'm taking 25 hours and going crazy.

i'm excited though. i'm excited to finally know what i want to do, or at least the direction to head.

i still have to decide what school to go to, and figure out financial aid. that's going to be lovely.

AND before i get started this fall, i'd really like to buy a house. i'd like to take advantage of the stimulus fund...8,000 that i don't have to pay back?! i'd be crazy not to do it. so i figure i need to do that before i take out all sorts of crazy student loans. the really scary thing is leaving my job. i'd like to say i could teach my class from eight till one and then go to school the rest of the day, but i don't know how realistic that is. i guess we'll see. at least i won't be working at the dr's office anymore once i start...and i'll miss it. oh well, on to bigger and better things i suppose.

i'll definitely need prayer, as i absolutely can't do this with out the Lord's help. i'm a little a.d.d. sometimes and i know i'll get discouraged from time to time. but with the support of all my friends and family i know i can accomplish something with my life.

funny ha ha

2009-03-17T00:36:00.000-05:00

sillies

2009-03-01T14:53:00.003-06:00

man kids have the coolest toys to choose from now!! i want nearly all of them!

(its sad.) i'm 27. i watch lots and lots of cartoons. i love them! and during the commercials, i see all the cool new toys! like zubber....okay, i would have had a heart attack to get something like that way back when. i'd love to get it now. and those stickers that you put foil on? how cool is that? if i had kids, they'd probably be mad cause i'd want to play with all their stuff and i'd use it all up!

on an unrelated note, i just finished reading a book for the first time in i don't know how long. i've attempted to read many books in the last year or so, and i've never been able to finish them. none of them have been interesting enough to just sit down and finish. (actually, i just now remember that i did read an entire book several months ago. but i won't count that one.)

this one is a recent classic of 1959. it is shirley jackson's the haunting of hill house. if you saw the movie "house on haunted hill" its not even close to the book, besides the characters traits and an occasional line from the house keeper. the movie was a bust in my opinion. but the book is worth a read.

on a note more related to the beginning of this post, spongebob is on, so i'll take my leave.

eh

2009-02-25T22:53:00.002-06:00

why is it that mostly men are prayed for during prayer meeting? is it because men are better than women? is it because they have worse problems than women? no.

i think it is because men are praying. now, i'm not about to tell you i think women should get up and pray. absolutely not. i just think that the men should think more about for whom to lift up to our Lord. women are such the backbone to the body. women are the ones constantly lifting their husbands up, praying for the church.

tonight, paul anderson and bob watts were prayed for. paul anderson for safety on the road, and bob watts for healing. amen to those things. but how about prayer for the safety and wellbeing of mary anderson while she's home alone? how about comfort and strength for janice watts during the trying time of having a sickly spouse?

perhaps i'm a little sensitive because of my own situation.

but i'm not being sexist. i'm not thinking in terms of conventional "equality" issues. and i'm not above thinking that it is simply an issue i have with my own home assembly.

growing up, all prayers were generally for my dad, his health, his strength. i don't remember my mom ever being prayed for until near the end. how is it that she, going through such an enormous struggle, was not lifted up until that point? why was that not caught earlier? i remember being puzzled about it then. i also remember being puzzled about the fact that everyone always asked my mom how my dad was doing, but never how she was doing.

i was puzzed about those things. still am. i'm more empathetic to whatever my mom must've felt now, being a spouse myself of a person not completely well. and it didn't dawn on me till tonight that it was happening to me now.

i understand concern and polite conversation. but let's face it, if something is happening to our spouse, it might as well be happening to us. we're one flesh, that's how it goes. we need the support of our spiritual family just as much as from our physical family and our friends.

i'm not even sure i can wrap this up logically. my whole point is that we should all think beyond what conventional concern is. we should concern ourselves with spouses, children, parents, all those peripherally involved in a situation. perhaps we are missing someone the Lord is pointing to without pointing to them directly.

2009-02-25T00:25:00.002-06:00

so i've finally decided. i'm going to do it. i'm going to go back to school.

freaky how things change in your head as you get older and "wiser". i said when i finally finished my associates degree after five years that i was done. i hated school. i hated taking general courses in which i had no interest whatsoever. so i got my degree and left with no intention of ever going back.

i've been assisting in the field of optometry for four years now. i've gotten to the point where i'm bored with what i'm doing. its no longer challenging, and i never thought i'd think of feel that way. i've gotten to the point where i feel i'm wasting myself. its not that i'm the smartest person in the world, or even the most qualified, but i don't want to be a tech at the age of 45.

so now the question is what to do. the obvious answer has been to go to optometry school after completing my bachelors. that avenue presents a few problems. one is the fact that the only optometry school in oklahoma is in talequa. that's about two and half hours from here. even if justin is done with school at that point, i'm sure he'll have a job in the city. so we'd have to (1) move to talequa and try to find work for him or (2) i'd have to commute and yeah right i'd be able to work at all while i'm in school. and what about housing? then we'd have two rent payments. the other problem with that scenario is that i'm not too keen on ONLY becoming an optometrist. i really don't feel like refracting day in and day out. i'd much rather deal with the medical side of the eye, i.e. glaucoma, cataracts, diabetic retinopathy, etc. in oklahoma, i can treat and provide post-op care for most medical conditions affecting the eye. but ONLY in oklahoma. (hmmm, i've capitalized only twice now...weird) also, optometrists are about a dime a dozen here. to make much money and recoup all the expenses of school, i'd pretty much have to open my own practice. when there's so many optometrists around, man, how would i get ahead?

so then i'd need to go to medical school and become an opthamologist. so five, six more years. two hundred thousand dollars of debt later, i'd be an md, but at what real cost?

so you can see my delima. i keep talking myself out of all possibilities. i've always had an interest in geology. so why not try that? but what course to even try? then my first love has always been makeup for the stage, either special effects or high fashion. how do i make any money at that? i'd have to go to school in another state, probably california or ny to do that. its all so confusing. i don't really know what i want to do really.

justin got lucky. programming found him. and he's in love with it. he looks forward to doing his job everyday. he loves his schoolwork (for the most part-you can't love it all). i'm scared really. probably of failure, but really because i don't know what i'm good at. i've always been good at a lot of things, but i've never been great at anything. kinda like a jack of all trades, master of none. that's me in a nut shell.

i've enjoyed teaching the class for the school the dr i work for started. in fact, the next class, i'll probably be working at the institute itself. so maybe i can get some college credit for cheap...hehe. but in all reality, i don't think i could deal with teaching people in this capacity forever.

anyway, just needed to get a few of those thoughts out of my head and onto "paper".

2009-01-27T23:18:00.004-06:00

since september? really? okay okay so i've been putting it off. course like anything one puts off, the further one gets behind. then its nearly impossible to ever catch up. so i can't catch up. i admit defeat. i'll just start from here. here's a brief synopsis of what happened september to now:

october:
justin celebrated his 29th birthday. actually, he didn't, i and some close friend did by throwing a small party.
justin and i went to nyc for our first vacation together since our honeymoon. we were there for a little over a week. you can look at all of our pictures (that i've uploaded) on flickr.

november:
i got older. i vaguely remember someone saying i turned 27. yikes.
thanksgiving happened. we went the weekend before to my grandma's and visited with my aunt and uncle and cousins. it was so nice to do something like we did back when i was 1o.
all of us cousins got blankets and watched "hook" like we used to in the living room. the only thing that changed was that half of us fell asleep during the movie. darn getting old.

december:
wow. where to begin.
my sister in law turned 21. i threw a big party for her with the guy she's now dating.
john came home for a visit for about two weeks. previously mentioned family came down for a weekend to visit.
after two years at our north office, i transferred to our south office. its more of a drive, but worth it. i left contact lens administration behind forever and started scribing for the doctor. much much much much more interesting.
jill and jd came into town. i spent nearly everyday after work either visiting with jill or with my family. my entire house fell into disarray except for when i put up our decorations. and that didn't last long.
i ended the days of multiple celebrations with families for holidays. we spent christmas eve with justin's family, and christmas day with mine. we'll probably switch next year. same thing with thanksgiving. thank goodness we don't have kids. otherwise i'm told that would be impossible. we're considering going out of town on vacation next year. also impossible with children i hear.

january:
sleep.
seriously. i slept an entire weekend when it was all said and done.
then school started on the sixth. i'm not in school, i'm teaching it. crazy. the doctor i work for started "the oklahoma eye institute." it was awesome that i got to decide to cancel class yesterday. i actually called it in to the news stations too....hehe oh the power. in reality, i've only got two students. but that's good, considering its the first time i've ever taught. poor sods, i'm learning on them. you can check out the old website if you want to. www.oklahomaeyeinstitute.com.
actually, if we get a few more students next class, then i'll be able to stop working at the office to make up the remainder of my hours. its very tiring . class is 8-1 monday through friday. i have to work usually two or three days 2-7 and then every other week i work a saturday all day. so that's six days a week. plus i'm trying to go work out. plus i'm trying to go to church. i don't know how you people with kids survive!!!

okay, speaking of school, i'm going to brave the icy roads tomorrow morning so that i can have class. i now understand why school systems and teachers dislike having class cancelled. i have so much to teach, and so little time!

this picture cracks me up...

2008-09-22T00:08:00.001-05:00

"what!?"

i need a little help...

2008-08-11T00:35:00.002-05:00

okay, so i've come to terms that justin and i will not be leaving the state for some time, probably two to three years. depressing, disheartening, but reality. so in that time, i really really really do not want to live in any more rented space.

since we've moved into this duplex, i've done little more than place the furniture, put up a few decorations and keep up with the cleaning. i haven't unpacked most of my clothes. i just haven't felt like there was any point since we'd be leaving.

this place isn't all bad. its large. there's a backyard for the dogs, and a laundry room in which to keep the litter pans. there's even an extra bedroom. and i haven't even done anything with that. the biggest plus? the landlord. she's great, and says we're her best tenants. considering the rest of the neighborhood, i can see why.

the cons? well, the neighborhood, obviously. its a low income area, lots of section 8. i didn't know anything about this area until i moved here. not that i've had any problems, thank the Lord. its highly transient, and full of obvious gang meetings and drug deals. i'd go as far as to say prostitution. i know it happens, and i'm pretty sure i've seen the negotiation from my car as i'm driving home late at night.

but as i've said, i've had no problems with anyone. having a big dog helps! :)
i feel helpless to make this place my own because of my discontent of the area, and also the restrictions of renting. i can't paint, and i can't change any of the outdated features of the place.

so, all that being said, i'm ready to buy a house. ready is such a loose term here, really.

so here's where i need help. first, i ask that you'd lift justin and i up in prayer. we need the Lord's guidance in this matter first and foremost.
secondly, i need advice! i've only started to look at houses once, and that ended when we moved back into my mom's for a bit.

so what do you think? should i continue renting? should i buy? our lease here is up in february. it gives us some time at least. plus, the possibility of finding another place to rent with our zoo is next to impossible. there you have it.

Ode to My Jill (best viewed on anything BUT mozilla)

2008-07-21T22:47:00.036-05:00

It occurs to me that there is not nearly enough of jill on here. i shall remedy this fact. So here goes, the "ode" of sorts to my jill...

i met jill my sophomore year of highschool. she was a year ahead of me, still is, i never let her forget it. except for that two week period where we're the same age. but i digress...

since meeting, we've been pretty much inseperable. if you don't count her living in wilburton, talequa, boston, tulsa, dallas and new york city as separation- i mean, we don't.

we both have a little bit of a thing for cinnamon dulce lattes at starbucks. we consume more than is possibly healthy on a routine basis when around each other, which greatly contributes to our "less than adult" behavoir. or does it? some would argue that we don't need such fuel, for it the behavoir comes from within us- that there is no such need for any such catalyst. some are pretty much right.

here is an example. jill lives in nyc. i went to visit. we did some touristy things. touristy childish things. you would think a five year old would put on the hat and turn the fake wheels. no. we did. and we're proud. we got candy. it went well with our coffee(S).

that first year we met, we were volunteering for NHS by gift wrapping at the mall. i don't remember if we were done or if we were on a break, but jill suggested that we get our pictures taken with santa. it had started. the first of many traditions. this past christmas (when i went to visit) we had our picture taken with santa for the TENTH YEAR IN A ROW. now, i capitalize that because i've never been able to say i've done something for ten years straight and it sorta makes me feel old. hah. sorta? it really does. the good thing is that i counterbalance that feeling with what i actually have done for all those ten years. pictures with santa in matching outfits with my best friend after drinking lots of sugary coffee does not count as old. and we don't intend on stopping this tradion any time soon.

one of these days i'll put a post up that shows all ten years.

jill is one person that i know i can say absolutely anything to and she won't think less of me for it. she understands me and has such a way of making me feel comfortable. when i got married, she'd already been married for three years. i was so relieved to find that the struggles i was having in my first year were not crazy and that she'd felt like i did in many situations.

we've crossed many bridges in our friendship (pun intended). i still remember the time she'd just come from chemo and we'd met for lunch and i told her that i didn't think that she and jd should get married. it made her cry. jd just said that he appreciated my input. tense moment. but i knew we had the bond that wouldn't be weakened by my opinion, and i felt i couldn't not tell her. they did, in fact, still get married despite what i said, and i can tell you that i've never been happier to be wrong. in november they'll be celebrating their sixth anniversary. they've been together through thick and thin. cancer, law school, a million moves. i admire their ability to get along and work through issues. even more, i appreciate the invaluable knowledge that jill is learning in her marriage and then passing along to me.

the next couple of pictures are from her 27th birthday, dec 4 in nyc, first at nobu sushi for lunch when we met up with jd on his lunch break and then at the bubble lounge where jd had organised a small gathering for friends to celebrate.

here she is undoubtably telling some story about something. undoubtably.

she has the uncanny ability to make friends very quickly in any situation and to bring fun into everything. she's definitly taught me to be myself even more than i thought possible. of course, some may seek out her destruction for this fact, but what can i do?

when jd graduated law school, they went on a trip to italy. this was my favorite of all her pictures. and there were a ton!

here are a couple more pictures of my jill. some of you have met her, and of course love her. some of you have never met her, but who knows, that may change. she is, afterall, my cohort in taking over the world... :)

i loves me my jill

because i can't believe calista hasn't enjoyed this...

2008-06-24T19:46:00.002-05:00

get ready to cry....grab a kleenex...

i'm crying...

2008-06-20T19:19:00.002-05:00

i haven't laughed this hard since "farting preacher 4"

turn your sound WAY up...

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Recovery remains uncertain for Lake Hefner bird | NewsOK.com

2008-06-13T00:14:00.002-05:00

update: some of you may have heard about this. the only surviving baby bird was taken to justin's mom who took it to wildcare, an organization she volunteers for on a full-time basis. the baby bird has died....justin's working on a petition of sorts to get this guy prosecuted to the fullest extent.

Another update. My mother, who has been helping take of the bird already told me that she wasn't doing to well... sad

read more | digg story

i love my babies

2008-06-09T00:57:00.018-05:00

murphie got spayed on wednesday. she was still in season due to cystic ovaries, so we had to pay double the amount, but it was a good thing we got that caught. the vet said that was why she was constantly in season. drove me crazy, but it was never as bad as the time she had to wear diapers. i can tell she's not feeling to well, and i feel bad. but there's nothing i can do. weirdly enough, she's decided that she must have her ball with her at all times. even in bed at night. it has a bell. fun times.
our next door neighbors have dogs that stay outside all the time. they're not extremely well cared for, but they're not suffering either. they have fleas. so do our dogs now. well, not murphie, she got that taken care of at the vet. poor william, however, is a scratchin' fool. he's still a happy guy, and LOVES the fan that we put on the patio to help with the heat during the day. we also finally got a weedeater to help with the yard. we dont' have the money for a lawnmower at the moment, but we dont' really have much grass in our small yards to justify buying one. a weedeater will suffice. we found one for $9 at home depot! its obviously not the best of the best, but i don't care, it was nine dollars!! that will help with the fleas too, when we spray the yard. we're going to also frontline everybody. maybe me and justin too, as the fleas may switch to us when there's nothing to eat. the weird thing is, is when i talked to the vet and he told me murphie had fleas, he told me if i put on white socks and walked around, i'd have little black dots on my socks. those are fleas he said. also to put a white sock on my hand and run it under the bed and i'd find them there too. i wear white socks nearly every day (i know, not what i used to wear!) and i don't see them anywhere. the way he talked, i should be infested. i haven't seen a single flea. i guess murphie had most of them? i dunno, but i know william has them since murphie does not.
while typing that paragraph, i looked up to see piere leaning on my remaining floor lamp and in slow motion i yelled "NO!" as it came crashing to the ground. i just spent about half an hour cleaning up glass. tiny tiny shards too. and its my remaining lamp because he's done it before. at our other place. grrr. i guess i'm not destined for nice floor lamps.
so i was going to say something nice about piere. but he's now on my poo list. its a good thing he's so cute and cuddly or he'd be sleeping in the laundry room tonight.
okay, something nice: piere has recently taken up a new napping position on the floor. i don't know what started it, but he likes it. weirdo.

i had an extra bag of cat food in the cabinets above the washer and dryer. the kitty and piere have been snacking on it lately. it was too cute to cut out immediately. but it has since been removed and put with the rest of their food in the plastic bin i've got. no more extra snacking for the two lards i've got. the kitty is well, he's still an grumpy old man and he's still fat. we still love him though.
riley is the same. cute and photogenic as ever. still a bit wild at times, but makes a habit of coming to visit me and sit in my lap for about two minutes every day. i love it!
last but not least, we have fred. the reclusive, elusive fred. occassionally she graces us with her presence and we have to photograph the moment so that we can remember what she looks like. okay, so she's not nearly as bad as she used to be, we usually see her early in the morning and late at night. usually when we're busy or ready to go to bed.

so that's it for now. stay tuned for more baby pictures in the future! i'll be uploading them to flickr soon.

my continuous lesson...

2008-06-08T23:57:00.006-05:00

on new year's eve, justin and i went to a party. at the end of the night, we were each given a small piece of a plant that the hostesses had found root bound in a pot. they divided it up and put each piece into a glass vase with water. it was to be a new beginning for the new year.

it stayed at my mom's house when we moved. i actually forgot about it. it didn't seem that it had grown at all, and even though my mom said that it was fine in water till it grew roots, i was the skeptic.

tuesday, justin drove down to my mom's to get our few remaining things there and brought back the plant, and it had actually sprouted roots AND a few more leaves. all that in just a bit of old water. we potted it into some soil and it looks rather nice.

justin had a dr's appointment to go to on friday. he didn't make it, it was so bad on sunday (pain progressed to the other side of his back and other leg) that he called in on monday and they got him right in. he called me at work and told me that i needed to come pick him up when the nurse called because they decided to do an epidural right then and there.

i picked him up and took him home, not fully understanding what had happened. or what was meant to happen. when i finally got home from work, he explained that the hope was that the epidural would help the pain enough for him to begin exercises and physical therapy. however, the injection might take days to work, and might not work at all. neither of us got our hopes up. we were, however, ecstatic that this doctor was taking his situation seriously.

the next day was no different from any other day. still pain, no relief. on wednesday, however, he called me and told me that he didn't want to get his hopes up, but he thought it might be working. we both had busy days and when it was time to go to bed that night, we layed in bed for hours and just talked. this was the justin i had dated, fallen in love with, married. i teared up several times when i thought about how much i had missed him and how great it was to have him back, if only for that night.

he's feeling better day by day. its not a fix, but it is pain management. he's able to take much less medicine now, and is going to see the doctor friday and hopes to talk about physical therapy.

if the God of creation can allow a plant whose nutrients are from the soil to grow in plain water, how much more can He allow me (and justin!) to survive this trial. its not over, but we've at least been given a break.

thanks so much to all of you for your prayers and support. please continue to pray and praise the Lord for what He has done, and all that He plans to do. i am so thankful that He cares so much that he continually shows me His boundless love.

random history lesson

2008-05-21T23:17:00.004-05:00

a friend of mine posted this online and i thought it was pretty neat. i don't know how true all of it is, but its still fun to read. oh and obviously i didn't type it out, there are capitals in it. :) or is it capitols? i don't know. honestly don't care....read on:

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the
water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things
used to be.

Here are some facts about the 1500s:

These are interesting...

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath
in May and still smelled pretty good by June.
However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting
married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.
The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children.
Last of all were the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, don't throw the baby out with the Bath water.

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood
underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the
cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof.
When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall
off the roof. Hence the saying; It's raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could
mess up your nice clean bed.
Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.
That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt.
Only the wealthy had something other than
dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor".

The wealthy had slate floors that
would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw)
on floor to help keep their footing.
As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance way.
Hence the saying a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that
always hung over the fire.

Every day they lit the fire and added things
to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat.
They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold
overnight and then start over the next day.
Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.

Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite
special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show
off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could bring home the bacon.

They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit
around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter.

Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.
This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next
400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status.

Workers got the burnt
bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top,
or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey.
The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.
Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.

They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the
family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they
would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out
of places to bury people.

So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.
When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive.

So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the
coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.

Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to
listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by the bell or was
considered a dead ringer.

And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring!

this is calista's fault.....

2008-05-14T01:39:00.013-05:00

please address all complaints to her blog.

Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.

Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.

Let them know they are tagged by leaving comments on their blogs.

1. i cannot sleep in pants. the legs wrap around and around and around and drive me insane. feel sorry for anyone i ever spent the night with while growing up.

2. i am horrified of crickets. they jump AT you, not away from you. they can fly.

3. i love to eat animal crackers with mustard.

4. when i was little my family went camping somewhere in utah. the campground had toilets with blue water and i had to stand on the lever to flush them. i loved both facts. i said many times that i needed to go to the bathroom when i didn't actually need to go. i just wanted to flush the cool toilets. my dad caught on and called me "beth blue water" for the rest of the trip. and then randomly after that for years.

5. when i shift into neutral, i have to toggle the gear shifter past reverse several times before i'm satisfied that i'm actually out of any gear.

6. i love cartoons above all other shows. spongebob is my favorite, but i love a good animae such as inuyasha or full metal alchemist. the japanese have a very specific formula to their story lines and the predictability is actually pretty funny.

7. i'm not very girlie, but if you came to my house and saw the decor, you'd think i was. this is mildly disappointing, but, i like what i like, i have to deal with it. so does my husband.

so there you have it, seven weird, random facts about moi. it took me two days to come up with these. its not that i have a lack of weird fact, oh no, its just that most would either offend someone or scare them. these were pretty friendly, i feel.

i'm going to tag some that calista tagged, but eh, they haven't done it yet!

1. april
2. michelle
3. rachel
4. ruth
5. amy
6. christina
7. brooke

sad sack update...

2008-05-07T00:09:00.006-05:00

not feeling quite so down today. a welcome break in my melancholy streak.
seems as if the situation just couldn't get worse... (although i know it always could)

as soon as the end up april came around, we were on the phone with the dr's office in hopes of scheduling the long awaited mri. all of our insurance info was given. then i got a call from the dr's office saying that we've got a preexisting condition on our plan. being new to this whole grown up insurance world, i was not sure what to do. i called the insurance company and was told exactly what i was afraid of. they would not pay for the mri if justin had been seen in the last six months for something related. this made...makes me angry.

i called the dr's office and found out that there is a place called Servant Imaging in Norman. they do imaging services for poor people like us with stupid insurance companies. we set up the appointment for monday. it costs $600. the worst thing about paying the $600 is that it doesn't even get applied to our deductible...AND had we known this was going to be the case, we wouldn't have waited this long to do it!

so he went in for the mri. the dr called justin on her way home from work that same day to let us know the results. a slight bulging disc and some arthritic changes at the base of the spine. according to her, nothing to explain the amount of pain he's describing. she wants to send him to a neurologist. i don't know what for, but i guess it doesn't matter, because unless the government decides to send out another stimulus check, he won't be going for a long while. the preexisting on his ins is until 2009!

so he got another rx for some pain meds, but who really wants that. again. not i said the wolf.

so on a better note, i have to thank you all soooooo much for your encouragement and prayers. you have no idea how much it has helped. i don't feel so incredibly alone, its nice to know that people care so much. i've learned two verses thanks to you guys. II cor 3:5 and 4:17. they're posted on my mirror in the bathroom so that i look over them every morning and evening as i'm getting ready for whatever is before me.

its incredible to think that even though we're deserving of death and hell, we're actually rewarded for suffering "light affliction." He is so good to us.

i'm sorry for the alarming amount of sad sack that has come out of me recently. or not come out...i know i should be answering phone calls, but i haven't been able to bring myself to bum anyone out on the phone yet. sorry christina...i'll make it up to you in a couple of days...promise. and calista, i've got an email headed your way soon.

its been a while...

2008-04-09T23:36:00.003-05:00

its been a while for a reason. i keep not posting because i have nothing happy or exciting to say. but that's not realistic. life is not all fun and games.

justin has a back injury and is consumed with his pain. it is never ending and continually reaches new levels in that it now affects his left leg and causes him so much pain that he often limps. he (halfway) jokes about getting a cane.

this "injury" of sorts has completely invaded our lives. it has changed everything. he no longer thinks about finishing my mom's bathroom, taking the dogs out for walks, hanging out with me. all he thinks about is when is the next dr's appointment, our insurance wont' kick in till may first, this medicine does no good, etc.

its insane. surely this sort of thing really isn't happening to me, right? even my parents were married for several years before daddy was diagnosed with his disease. and yet here we are.

i am miserable. i continually wallow in my misery. i put off housework. i don't cook regular meals. i cry a lot. i thought that when my dad passed away, i was done with the struggle of living with a person who was in so much pain everyday that it changed him.

its almost funny to think back to conversations with my brother, peter, about how we were scared that God was preparing us for something even worse in the future. how we thought that for sure it couldn't be, but we both had the feeling. but now that this scenario is actually being played out, it is anything but funny. it is miserable.

i feel like i'm not married- that i have a permanent roommate. i rarely spend time with him that is not owned by his affliction. i even get mad at him sometimes for it. and that's just not fair.

i have been so busy feeling sorry for myself, i have neglected to look to the Lord for help. He's been here all along, just waiting for me to ask. how dumb of me. i'm so glad that His love is independent of me.

so that is why i haven't been on here in a while. i apologize for the depressing read, but i really ask that everyone pray for us. we need it so much right now.

i'm baaaaaaack!

2008-02-17T02:01:00.003-06:00

we finally got the internet! i'm so excited to be back online and keep up with everyone!

so here's what's been happening with me...are you on the edge of your seat?

we moved and so did the piano. successfully. and i took josh's advice and justin moved the piano all by himself. haha okay, no, i limit the drugging of my husband to sickness only...

we had the help of melissa schiete, ryan sullivan and another couple from the chapel and justin's parents. melissa actually helped me clean and set up the kitchen the night before. she also stayed at my mom's and cleaned (A LOT!!) after we moved our things out. she was such a huge help!

we're still in the process of setting things up. i had the flu last weekened and now justin's fighting it. lucky for him, the dr called in an rx for "tamiflu" and its helping him out tremendously. i only wish i had done that! the body aches of this strain were insane. ooh i'm a poet and i didn't realize it!

its so exciting to be back out on our own. i have missed it so much, and even though justin's been sick today, we've had the day off together and worked together without fighting at all.

so that's it. aren't you tired of sitting on the edge of your seat? i cant' imagine its comfortable. seriously, sit back. i am.

as a side note, i'd like to say how much i enjoy imogene heap's album "speak for yourself." i've had it for nearly two years and i never get tired of it. others may as it seems to be the only music i play in my car, but they can get over it.

the end.

i need some advice...

2008-01-28T00:38:00.000-06:00

so we're moving on saturday. and besides being worried about not having nearly enough packed yet, the water and electric, the fence not being fixed and not having much man power for the move, i have to figure out a way to move my piano!

its an OLD upright...its sooooo heavy. and while i know its moved several several times with my family, this will be the first time i've had to think about it. so any advice i can have regarding this difficult item's move would be much appreciated, along with prayers for everything else to run smoothly....thanks in advance!

great is His faithfulness...

2008-01-11T23:58:00.000-06:00

upon finding out that we needed to find a new place to live, justin immediately set out applying for jobs. he'd been delivering pizzas on weekends and going to school very full time. unfortunately, with our money situation about to get much worse, he had to make the difficult transition into full time work AND school. he applied for about nine positions in one evening after completing his resume.

his first interview was scheduled for the following monday and then two more were scheduled for the next week. the first interview went extremely well. it was a real job with real benefits and salary. grownup stuff. scary. and as scary as it seemed, he wanted it anyway.

everything was discussed in the interview except for pay. the interviewer (head of the applications development team) simply told justin that he and his wife needed to discuss it, pray about it, whatever we needed to do to figure out how much money we needed.

that gave me a good feeling. that he would even mention praying about it sounded promising. and we did pray. all we needed was enough to get by. pay bills, get out of the hole, owe no man anything.

as part of the interview process, justin was given a project to complete and turn in as evidence of his experience in the programming languages being used. he completed it and turned it in the night before his second interview.

the second interview was with a placement agency strictly for programmers. the interviewer said that currently there were no positions available but if justin had no luck with the first job choice, he'd keep justin in queue for something.

just as justin got home, he received an email from jamie at the first place requesting a second interview.

i'd been praying that the Lord would simply let His will be done. I had no idea what would be good in this situation, only He did. justin called me and told me about the next interview and that he was going in straightaway. i starting praying and praying and praying. i wanted him to get this job. but i only wanted it if it was the Lords will...

he got the job!!!!! i'm soooooooooo excited. God is so good to us. this is above and beyond what we could have hoped for. all i asked the Lord for was what i needed. He is so good to provide things that are extra. i couldn't help but sing the song "great is thy faithfulness" in my head all evening after i got the call. I am continually amazed at the nature of my Heavenly Father. i know i shouldn't be, but its difficult considering my nature. even as i was trusting him in the job situation i was simultaneously worrying about the money for groceries once our rent went up.

i am such a silly one to worry about these things. i am worth more than sparrows to Him. they have everything they need. shouldn't i know i have much more than i need and i don't have to worry? its against Him in every way to worry as it is doubting his sovereignty. but such is my human nature. He is gracious, however, in teaching me slowly (as i am slow to learn) that He will provide. and that He has.

and while i know that i'm just trading some old problems in for new ones, my new prayer is one of thankfulness. also for wisdom and stewardship of what He's given me. i would hate to throw what He's given me in His face by going crazy.

last night in the car on the way home from buying shirts and slacks and work necessities i told justin i was scared for him. he asked me why.... "now you're going to have to pretend to be grown up."

random thoughts

2008-01-07T00:40:00.000-06:00

so last night justin and i sat down to watch a movie together. this hardly ever happens anymore with his hectic school/homework/work schedule. he had borrowed the new version of halloween from his friend.

now, i LOVE scary movies. i'm a big fan of the original halloween. i thought that this would be a great twist. but holy cow, was this not something i needed to sit through. there was so much language i found myself not being able to focus on the movie but only on how horrible it was. apparently i was saying so too, because justin asked me, very annoyed, if i wanted to just turn it off. it was so, well, raunchy. man i sound like my mom. i told him no. i didn't want to miss out on this chance to cuddle on the couch with my husband.

but really, the best thing would have been to turn it off. i gained nothing from it. it did no justice to the original. it didn't even make me jump. and i should have known it was going to be as crude as it was because rob zombie directed it. the main reason i should have turned it off is because i could have been an example and i wasn't. i was selfish. i wanted to cuddle. i also didn't want to annoy justin by turning it off.

hopefully i won't be in that position again. we tend to be very lax on what we watch simply because we don't have any children in the house. but that's not really a great excuse. my dad used to talk about how you always remember the bad things you see on tv, and how they come back into your mind when you least want them to. of course i thought he was being a controlling mean dad, but he was right. that's the whole reason i'm writing this out. i was sitting reading someone's blog and suddenly a scene from that wretched movie popped into my head. there was no catalyst, it just happened. the devil knows what he's doing. why let me concentrate on Bible verses when i could be distracted by filth.

i tend to watch a lot of cartoons simply for this reason. they're not dirty or depressing and they rarely, if ever, have a storyline that is necessary to follow along with. also a lot of cooking shows are good, and nature shows. i really just need to cut down on tv altogether.

so this is a bunch of rambling...sorry. just sorta talking to myself about what an idiot i can be. i'm gonna go turn on some cartoons.

riley

2008-01-04T23:35:00.001-06:00

i promised better pictures of riley, and here are some...he's a very good model and attack kitten.

notice pierre has already given him a scratch on the nose!

check out the teeth! i love how much he'll tolerate me taking his picture.

fred was on the chair above us getting very annoyed with the camera.

we're keeping riley, if you can't tell...pierre and riley are such great pals.

if by chance anyone wants to see more pictures of riley or to see more of fred telling us how mad she is, just hop on over to my flickr page... www.flickr.com/thealmightybetherson
fred is in the "babies" set and riley has a set of his own. plus you can check out my unedited pics from my recent nyc trip. i haven't even organized them yet!

also, please keep justin and i in your prayers as we're looking for a new residence. my mom has decided to sell, and has given us a months time to vacate. also pray for justin as he's going through interviews with possible new jobs in his field of programming.. this is a very volatile time for us and its definitly pointing me to the Lord's grace as i need it more and more. thank goodness He shows me His mercy in all of this. i'm so glad that i have Him...i don't know how those who are unsaved and know nothing of His grace can handle situations like this. if i didn't have Him to lean on, i'd be crazy! well, crazier than i already am, you know.

michelle did it

2008-01-04T22:41:00.002-06:00

michelle filled out this survey and forced me with her mind powers to fill it out as well. since she did it to me, i think calista and christina should be the next... do it or i will find you.......

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments. What is it?
1. Produce: artichokes
2. Bakery: the frosting from cupcakes. i don't care about the cake...
3. Meat: salmon
4. Frozen: edemame
5. Dry goods: holy cow...this is very broad. aren't most things dry? should i pick toilet paper? hmmm no, i think i'll pick kitty litter. you know why.

Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles of CLOTHING with you. So, what's in your bag?
1. comfy pants
2. TShirt
3. underwear. thank me in advance.

1 task you wish you were better at doing?
1. putting up my makeup when i'm done with it!

1 Celebrity you wish you looked like (silly, I know:))
1. sophie marceau

If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?
1. how old are these contacts?
2. i need a couple of invoices faxed to me
3. i need to place an order for contacts
4. i'm playing dr.
5. would you please clean the litter pan this time?

So, what 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you probably wouldn't be in the best mood?
1. watch cartoons
2. love on my babies
3. have a bit of chocolate

What 5 places do you visit roughly every week?
1. walmart (i know, i'm not proud)
2. ug. the mall. but i work there.
3. the gas station
4. home
5. that's it. i'm so boring.

If you were to shop at three stores for a whole year to supply your wardrobe and money was not an issue, which 3 would it be?
1.
2. i've been wearing scrubs so long that i don't remember the last time i had a particular place i liked to shop. i actually hate clothes shopping right now. talk to me later when i've possibly lost some weight.
3.

You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick between 4, so what are you deciding between?
1. conan o'brien
2. spongebob squarepants
3. family guy
4. futurama
okay, so conan o'brien is the only show i could even think of that i liked that was not a cartoon...and i don't actually watch it...

You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?
1. cookies and cream (finally one i have answers for!)
2. chocolate chip cookie dough
3. reeses peanut butter cup. man now i actually want one. stupid questionnaire!

Somebody stole your purse… in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?
1. mini purple brush
2. tampon case (courtesy of jill) that says "moody diva"
3. five thousand pens
4. old lady checkbook
5. wallet with no money

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?
1. the act is not an accurate gage of intelligence
2. pot does not cure depression, its a freaking downer.
3. real cream is a horrible idea for slapstick skits. it will smell HORRIBLE later.
4. you look better with makeup. sorry.

the newest of babies (what, you're surprised?)

2007-11-26T23:30:00.000-06:00

this is riley, the newest addition to the keith/vanzant household. he's an eight month old hyperactive sweetie pie that has captured our hearts. he attacks everyone, including murphie! finally, pierre has someone to play with. although with riley around, we have started to notice that pierre's not the young kitten he used to be.

we've had riley less than two weeks and it already seems we've always had him. he fits in perfectly with all the others. the kitty is still a grumpy old man who doesn't really get along with anyone but fred, but we won't fault him for being old and set in his ways. its very odd sometimes to see a light colored cat sauntering past us...or in most cases, pouncing!

my mom had been wanting another cat since her baby charlie had died a little over a year ago. we were a little concerned with getting another one since we already had so many. but one day justin's mom came over and asked if we knew anyone that wanted another cat. we looked at each other and sighed. of course we did. the only problem we now face is the possible problem of parting with him when the time comes.

these are cruddy pictures from my cell phone in dimly lit quarters. i promise better ones to come! (oddly enough, these show a side of riley seldom seen...)

2007-10-31T01:53:00.000-05:00

i was browsing my brother john's facebook profile tonight and came across some pictures he'd posted on his travels.. he's been on my mind a lot lately since he's a naval firefighter in san deigo. i honestly don't know if he's even there right now, but whether he is or he isn't, he needs prayer. keep him in mind as he's only just now 22 and out on his own in the midst of the unforgiving world that offers much but holds nothing.

2007-10-08T01:36:00.000-05:00

christina sent me these a while back...i hadn't seen them before...thought some of you would like to see them as well. so much happens in such a relatively short amount of time like two years. can you believe that there are a few weddings and babies that have happened since then? man we're gettin old!
left to right: amy, christina, calista, melissa, crystal, jill, moi

okay so....

2007-10-05T13:05:00.000-05:00

they'll never be able to run for office or cook dinner...but who said i didn't have kids...

(notice the glowing eyes in the doorway in the distance...that's fraidy cat fred!)

in case anyone is wondering, female dogs, if not spayed, will have what seems like a period. i have no idea how long it lasts, only that the diapers for it cost me $15!!
she doesn't like them, but she knows that if she wriggles out of it, she'll go right back outside.
as soon as possible, she's goin to the vet!! man am i a sucker. seriously, i told justin a long time ago that i never wanted to have to put diapers on any animal that i had. hah! i'm eating those words as we speak!
(it is pretty hilarious to watch her waddle around in a diaper though, thus the pictures)

because of michelle's nudge...

2007-10-02T01:07:00.001-05:00

i thought i'd post about blessings in my life... but you have to get down in the dumps sometimes to notice the good, right? so yesterday, i was on the far north side of okc and i drove by my and justin's old apartment. i started to feel so disappointed and annoyed that things in my life were absolutely not going as i had planned. i did not plan to be married as early as i was. i did not plan to stink at finances. i did not plan to STILL be living in okc. i did not plan to be living in the same home as my mom at 26 WHILE MARRIED. THIS IS NOT MY PLAN!!!!

i was so frustrated that i kept choking back tears as i drove back to the place i called home with my mother and my sickly whiny husband.. (i love him but jeez guys are whiny when they're sick!!) :)

i kept thinking that it wasn't fair, that i couldn't handle all the disappointment that i was conjuring. i just kept thinking about all the bad things that were going on and that had happened. i got worse and worse and worse and finally i couldn't hold the tears back any longer. which is pretty unsafe when you're driving...

and i hate to cry. crying is stupid and it makes your eyes puffy and was ruining my perfect eye makeup job!! so i had to stop. i couldn't. i HAD to. then the Lord brought these verses to my mind: "Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. Fear ye not therefor, ye are of more value than many sparrows." (matt 10:29,31)

then i was ashamed. i had SO MANY good things in my life. so what if they weren't what i had planned on having...the Lord knows way better than i do what i need. seriously, he knows what i want too....way before i know what i want.

here are a few reasons i should be happy and trust the Lord so much more:

1. i have a husband that loves me even if i cry about really stupid things....or if i cry for no reason at all
2. i have a job that pays me the monies i use to settle my debts. there are a lot, but i get them covered.
3. i have clothes that fit, and the ones that don't, well, see number 4.
4. i have food to eat. i am not going hungry. you CANNOT see my ribs. even if i tell you you can.
5. i have a wonderful mother who, even when she drives me crazy, is happy to have me at home helping around the house. this is a mutually beneficial relationship.
6. i have friends. WONDERFUL FRIENDS! i have so many Godly friends who don't give up on me and are always there for me in word or in deed.
7. i have a Savior who is full of endless love and forgiveness. it doesn't matter how many times i "forget" about all He's done for me. He still brings all those things back to my mind as if to say "I love you beth, you are dearer to me than you can imagine. I will take care of you, feed you and clothe you. I will be your JOY."

boy, sometimes you really need to write out things like that...He's so good to me even though i'm worthless and constantly throw His blessings back in His face. thank goodness i have Salvation that is independent of me!

2007-09-24T22:58:00.000-05:00

Amazing Love (Charles Wesley)

2007-09-17T22:17:00.000-05:00

And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain—
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

’Tis mystery all: th’Immortal dies:
Who can explore His strange design?
In vain the firstborn seraph tries
To sound the depths of love divine.
’Tis mercy all! Let earth adore,
Let angel minds inquire no more.
’Tis mercy all! Let earth adore;
Let angel minds inquire no more.

He left His Father’s throne above
So free, so infinite His grace—
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam’s helpless race:
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!

Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

Still the small inward voice I hear,
That whispers all my sins forgiven;
Still the atoning blood is near,
That quenched the wrath of hostile Heaven.
I feel the life His wounds impart;
I feel the Savior in my heart.
I feel the life His wounds impart;
I feel the Savior in my heart.

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.

babies!!

2007-09-10T22:14:00.001-05:00

i promised pictures of murphie WAY BACK...so here they are. murphie is the small beagle/terrier mutt and william is the big german shepherd mutt...they're so cute!

here they are being sweet...

and here is the epitome of william looks...big, dumb, lovable...he's so silly

here's murphie doing a belly crawl..she rarely does this and its so cute!

lord william buckley, esq.

the ball is about as big as she is!!

as you look at this next picture, imagine william's tail wagging so hard that his butt moves quickly from side to side...that's what he's doing there!!

i'm such a cat person, i never in a million years thought i could like two dogs so much!!

silliness

2007-09-08T13:31:00.001-05:00

ug. so a few minutes ago, i went to put some dressing on my pasta. the lid wasn't on well. i didn't know. there was balsamic dijon ALL OVER THE PLACE. its thick and dark and it won't just wipe clean. if i was at home, one of my five or six living mops and vacuum cleaners could have helped. but i'm at work! so now there are TONS of paper towels in the bathroom trash that are covered with a dark brown slimy substance. it does make me happier to think about what patients will think when they see it. makes the mess, the cleaning, the frustration worth it. man i'm evil.
reminds me of the time that i put trash in a box and layered the trash with wilted rotting spinach leaves and crumbled pringles. i taped the box up and took it over to lenscrafters and told nathan the manager that i had accidentally recieved and opened a shipment meant for them.

of course he wouldn't open it because of past experiences with boxes that i've taken them. no i dont' have a reputation. plus, they started it by putting poly swarf in my trash can!!! (poly swarf: the waste generated by surfacing polycarbonate eyeglass lenses. it is either wet and nasty or dry and nasty) nathan forgot that i had trained in his lab years back and actually knew what it was...they were hoping someone here would just be confused. but no, they started a war. i put handful after handful in a box and stuffed it to the point that it would bust open if jostled and it would get all over nathan's suit. and it did. haha i'm quite proud of how juvenile i can be, aren't i?

happiness vs. joy

2007-08-22T13:50:00.000-05:00

why do people (ie preachers) warn you to be careful of what you ask from God? i think its silly and it simply scares people from asking God for something they so desperately need. for the longest time, i have only asked God to help me in little things like, help me to be safe on my way to work, help me do well on whatever....well, i've been scared to ask for Him to do what is necessary in my life.

at the wichita conference this weekend, we spent some time on joy. i learned that happiness is happenstance and joy is lasting. suddenly, it all made sense to me. sure, i could be happy about a million things that i had going on in my life, but they're all so fleeting. yay! i have chocolate! but ooh i'm so sad its gone in 30 seconds! i had happiness to a certain extent, and was afraid to make changes in fear that it would bring about unhappiness.

but the Lord gives us joy. and no matter what is going on in our lives, no matter what lessons we are having to learn or what consequences we are having to reap, we can have joyful confidence. that this is all in our Heavenly Father's perfect plan for our lives and when we get to heaven we'll not be ashamed that we squandered the life He gave us.

Ecclesiastes 11:4 He that observeth the wind shall not sow; and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap.

how foolish am i to think that my plans are better than the Lord's? how foolish am i to think that my happiness depends on me NOT asking the Lord for what he wants from my life? i have been missing out on blessings and joy because i have been so confident in my flesh. i am so sorry in my heart of hearts for this. BUT i know that the Lord is gracious and forgiving and i have a clean slate because of His gift.

Psalm 62:5-8 My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.

i am ready. now i pray that i really am. i have to remember to think supernaturally instead of having my human fears. yes, this will bring conflicts and it will not be easy, but the Lord has a plan for this. i will be able to handle everything with His mercy. if you are reading this, please pray for me and my marriage and everything else in my life, as things are about to be turned upside down. pray that i will hold onto the joy of the Lord and that i will draw from his strength as i have none.

the beginning

2007-08-22T01:47:00.000-05:00

so it hardly seems right that i start a blog considering i have no children with which to blah blah blah about, BUT i do have lots of ANIMALS!!!! so beware, you all have children, i will BOMBARD you with pictures of my babies! and you will love them as i must-er-of course love your children. as justin and i have no intention of having kids now or anytime in the near future, we have three cats and two dogs. and how, you ask, is that managed sanely? well i'm glad you asked. its not. one must clean the litter pan once a day. oh wait, that was singular. one must clean the litter panS once a day. although one is automatic, so occasionally i'm able to wait to tell justin to clean that one out till the next day. food and litter are serious expenses, but very much worth it. vet bills can be a pain, but eh, we survive.

"The Kitty" is the oldest of the bunch, and was originally justin's pet. i've fully adopted him now, but i can't help but feel a bit less loving to him than the cats that justin and i've gotten together. he's nice and all, but he's justin's cat. that's all there is to it. he's about 4 years old and by far the least problematic of the three.

fred was the first addition to our family. calista brought down two kittens, one for me and one for my mom. we kept the one that we thought was a boy and gave the other (that we thought was a girl) to my mom. turns out we were completely wrong, but we did in fact name her fred AFTER we knew she was a girl. i think its cute whatever anyone says.

then we stole pierre. yes, i pilfered a feline. he wasn't in a good place, living with drug dealers and such. but i did reap what i sowed when he began peeing all over the place and also broke his arm. about two thousand dollars in vet bills later, he has a pin in his arm and its healed completely, and he finally was fixed after three surgeries and no longer pees on things. for the most part. he is my favorite as he sleeps with me and cuddles me in the mornings. he's more than worth what we've paid for him.

justin had been bugging me relentlessly for a dog. we had lived in apartments for about a year and a half and there was no way i could handle a dog with three cats. but we moved back in with my mom to help her out, and it just happens that she has a HUGE backyard. i finally gave in and thus we adopted lord william buckley esq. he's a german shepherd mixed with who knows what. he's nearly a year old now, but so big that i forget a lot of the time that he's still a puppy.

then about three weeks ago, we got the latest addition. her name is murphie and she's a jack russel terrier/beagle mix (we think.) she's older than william, but not by a whole lot. she's so small that she can walk right under him to start gnawing on his knee. (can i say that a dog has a knee?) she's completely hyperactive, but at least william has a playmate. i'll take her to the vet next week most likely. unfortunately, i don't have any pictures uploaded from the camera yet. don't worry. it'll happen.

so now that everyone has been introduced to the vanzant babies, i feel i have accomplished fitting in. its late and i need to get into bed. so i'll try to keep up with this thing, and with christina on my back, i'm sure i'll make a half way decent attempt. but no promises! the end.